Starting to feel it

Yesterday was John's birthday. From the sound of things, he had a good time, went out to dinner, got many calls from numerous well-wishers, etc. Oddly enough, this is the first of his birthdays since I've known him that I haven't been with him for. Somehow, I can't help but feel the sting of that. We did speak several times during the day, though, and I made sure he knew I was thinking of him constantly. All the same, I felt completely helpless, which sucked.

I'm also now less than two days away from my final thesis deadline, which is frightening beyond explanation. Tonight will definitely be committed to the thesis, as well as tomorrow, but I'm not sure how I'll get through it in one piece, from an emotional standpoint, if I don't get a good response on this draft. I'm petrified, of course, but there's no stopping this train now. Once it's done, it's done, and I can move on with my life. Honestly... it really does feel as dramatic as that. I have, after all, devoted a full year to this project, and have managed to do more in that time than I ever thought possible. I say enough already.

I miss John. I miss my guitar. I still love New York.