Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Just wondering

I sometimes get the feeling that I'm simply not living up to my potential. I suppose we all do now and then, and to varying degrees of self-loathing. As for me, I'm feeling a little stagnant, that's all. I have one of those lists... I think lots of people make them... filled with things that I want to do before I either can't do things anymore or die. So far, I've managed to get through a few, and I'm in the process of three or four rather big items. So what about the things whose time has simply passed on, and I've no hope whatsoever of achieving? Does that make me a loser destined to living with regret? Or, maybe even worse, am I actually not capable of admitting that something has now, for whatever reason, drifted beyond my reach or ability?

There are a couple of things. There's fencing, for one. I don't think my dream of becoming an olympic sabre fencer will ever be realized. Or will it? No, seriously... seriously? See wha I mean? I don't think it's that ridiculous that I aim for things, even when they're a little nuts. I did, after all, give a good showing a few years back at nationals. Hell, I came in eighth, and that was only after about four months training with Florin, my coach at the time. Granted, that was a few years ago now, and I'm having trouble with my knees and my shoulders these days. If I can't work out reglarly without injury, how the hell am I supposed to train for competition? While I'm at it, how do I find the time? Ugh... so does that mean I give up? Not sure. I do keep my head in it, after all. I'm coaching the sabre team at Fordham, for what it's worth... but what is it worth? Again, not sure... I'll have to think about it.

Then there's the matter of the music degree. I'll leave it at that.


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