Sunday, January 21, 2007

Making headway

The semester doesn't seem so bad yet. For starters, I had my first class last week, and it went swimmingly. I have a good bit of reading to do already, but that's not so big a deal. I've also gotten my first thesis draft back for correntions and re-vamps, so I'll at least have that to keep me busy if I happen to get bored. Aside from that, I also have the conference to prepare for, and one or two emails to send out regarding deadline changes, submissions, and so forth. I also had rehearsal for Concert choir, which went fine, and I sang with Liturgical chior this morning, also fine. Today, I'll be getting some work done at the Lincoln Center campus, where John will be meeting me at some point. After some work, we'll grab some food, get a workout in, and eventually make our way home to possibly do laundry and tidy up around the apartment. Thus ends my first week into the spring semester.

How do I feel? Not sure yet. A few people I've run into are expressing a general malaise, much the same sort as what I was experiencing no more than a few days ago. I'm healthy, working out when I can, eating right, sleeping plenty... I'm just not ready to be back at the grind. The worst of it is that I haven't really experienced the full force of an actual week just yet; we had Monday off, and Monday happens to be my busiest day, so I have no idea how I'll feel at the end of it. Then again, I should know by tomorrow. I have a 9:30 class tomorrow morning in the Bronx, followed by and 11:30 right afterwards, then a bit of a break before my 4:00, followed by a 6:00 rehearsal and coaching fencing at 7pm. If all goes well, I'll be on the 8:30 van back to the city, getting home by around 10 or so. That's not so bad, is it? Well, okay, it's not great, but it is what it is, and I'm not too worried about it. How is this any different from what I've done for the past year-and-a-half?

I'll tell you what's different: I'm living with John, and I'm living in Brooklyn. The John part isn't so bad, since I think he's acclamated pretty well to living here, but he and I will both be busier than we've ever been in one another's company, which is saying a lot. As for the Brooklyn part, it's not exactly hell and gone from the rest of the world, but it does make things a little rough for me if I have to be in the Bronx virtually every day of the week. This isn't worry on my part... just an acknowledgement that things are going to be a little different, perhaps a bit more hectic than even I'm used to. Worry? No. Consternation? Maybe a little. Why do I do this to myself? I mean, I am the one doing this to myself, am I not? Choir and fencing? What is that about? I'm also giving one or two voice lessons here and there, but that's no biggie (besides, it lets me make a couple of extra bucks, so at least it's not for nothing). It's the choir and fencing that I don't get. I did consider droping both of them this semester, but I just couldn't. If I weren't singing every day, I don't know what I'd do. As for the fencing... okay, I might end up dropping that one. Maybe. But I digress... why do I do this? Why do I overload myself and go full steam, making everyone around me crosseyed at what I'm doing? Do I enjoy it? A little, maybe, but it's certainly not all fun. I can think of far easier ways to enjoy myself.

You know what? I don't know. I don't care. I'm a train that doesn't stop easily, and that's the way I think I've always been. I've gotten worse about it over the years, but I don't seem to be feeling worse about it. In fact, I think I've become better at doing this to myself, and, for what it's worth, it's not so bad. I'm sure I'm not the busiest person out there, right? I mean, there must be millions of people who run themselves full throttle all the time. I live in New York... I'm sure I pass most of them on the street every day. I think I just start to doubt myself sometimes, that I begin to wonder if I should listen to everyone that tells me I do too much. Okay... listen to them... and then what? Cut back? I don't know about that. Most days, I still feel like I'm sitting around and doing nothing with my time, being lazy and slacking off. Go figure.

Okay, enough of this. This semester is just like all the others. Only I'll do everything better this time around, more efficiently, with more attention to getting everything just right. Quality and quantity? I think it can happen. I'm going to give it a shot, anyway. Anyone else up for the ride? I wouldn't mind the company.


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