Monday, August 27, 2007

One week to go

And then it's back to the grind. Ah, well... it was bound to happen, right? I have this week to finish up work on the conference website, the final copy of my thesis, and preparations for teaching my new lab for Dr. Malcolm's research methods course. Lovely. And to think I was missing being busy. Okay, maybe I lied, just a little.

John actually has class today. While Fordham doesn't begin classes until next week, John's program runs as a consortium with NYU and CUNY, so the courses he takes there abide by the academic calendars for those schools. Hence, CUNY's first day being today meant that today is also John's first day. Fun. Actually, I think it rather is. For him, anyway. The class is on Catullus, who John is kind of a freak about and has read pretty extensivelly over the past several years. Needless to say, he's feeling confident about the material, so he's been looking forward to the class since, I don't know, forever. I don't think he's ever had a strictly Catullan course before, so this should be fun for him. As for his other two courses, I think they start up next week, so they're not on his mind in the least. He also gets started on teaching his two Latin I sections next week, too, which should be the equivalent of taking a nap for this guy.

Now that John's gotten things rolling, I'm starting to feel a little strange, as though I'm falling behind. I don't think I really am, but I have a sense that I should be hurrying up with something, or getting something set up and ready, or SOMETHING! I'm doing what I can... I've been reading over materials for my teaching gig, getting a head start on reading a couple of texts for my upcoming corsework... you know... nerdy stuff. Strangely, it hasn't given me the fix I've been looking for. What else can I do? At this point, doing any more preparation would be guesswork, and I'd hate to do anything that will serve no purpose at all in the long run. I suppose I'll just keep on keepin' on, the way I have been, during this next week, and see what happens. Chances are, this odd anxiety will pass in a couple of days, and I'll be fine with what I'm up to. I just wish I could hurry up and get there, to that state of mind where I'm comfortably busy, knowing what I'm doing and why, with a foreseeable outcome somewhere in sight.

On the bright side, there's the weight loss. How can I NOT talk about the weight loss? I'm at 165 now, which is nuts. I am literally at a loss when I look in the mirror sometimes, not because I'm such a vision or anything, but because I'm having a hard time coping with the fact that NONE OF MY CLOTHES FIT. What the hell am I supposed to do? I have a week before classes begin, and I'm down to two, maybe three complete outfits, none of them particularly spectacular. In fact, I think I'm down to one pair of jeans, completely out of slacks, running very thin on skirts and dresses, and slowly picking off shirts. My bras don't even fit anymore! This is getting pretty serious... I may have to learn how to alter clothing or something, because there's no way I'll be able to financially handle a full replenishment of my wardrobe. I'll be honest... I didn't think this would be a ploblem. Hell, I didn't think this diet would work, and certainly not this quickly! In nearly ten weeks (it'll be ten weeks tomorrow), I've gone down 33 pounds, and I'll likely drop a few more in the next week before school starts up. I'm thrilled, sure, but COME ON!!!

That's another thing. I'm bracing myself for the reactions I'm bound to get from people when school starts. It's strange; part of me wants people to act as if I look the same, as if nothing's happened, just so I can avoid the weird questions and comments... but then I also know that I'll be a little freaked out if no one says ANYTHING. Naturally, the weight loss shows... I don't care how big you are, you don't lose thirty-some pounds and not see a physical difference. Still, to hear absolutely nothing from anyone would be strange. It's not that I want things to go either way, but I want to at least be prepared for whatever comes. I suppose that's part of the reason I'm worried about clothing at the moment. At the very least, I'd like to look like a normal person in clothing that fits realtively well, rather than someone who's just melted right there in their own clothes. That would just make me look unhealthy, I think. Who knows... maybe I'll figure something out in the next week. On the bright side, John's pretty much replaced his closet with properly fitting clothes, or at least enough of the basics to get by on... several pants and shirts, a new belt... so he'll be fine for a couple of months. We'll have to see what's in store for the sad state of my clothing as the week progresses. Looks like I'll be wearing lots of Target and K-Mart clothes if I want anything soon!

Friday, August 24, 2007

I've been tagged with the "4 List"

Thanks, Chrissie, for roping me into this... I'll get you somehow...

4 things about me you may not have known:
1. I've always wanted to be a dancer, and I have't given up completely.
2. I used to hate cats on principle. Now I love mine, but mostly because he's virtually a dog anyway.
3. I have a birthmark that looks like a hickey. I've gotten into arguments with a few boyfriends over that one.
4. Someday, I want to be the president of something really cool.

4 Jobs I've Had:
1. Texas Girls Chior choreographer
2. Night club bouncer
3. Putt Putt counter girl
4. Cleaning bathrooms and serving drinks at a pool hall

4 Movies I can watch over and over again:
1. The Color Purple
2. Harry Potter Series
3. Taladega Nights
4. Star Wars Episodes 3, 4, 5, and 6

4 Favorite TV shows:
1. Big Love
2. Burn Notice
3. House
4. Heroes

4 Favorite Hobbies:
1. Playing new musical instruments
2. Fencing
3. Running/working out
4. Writing

4 Places I have lived:
1. Texas
2. Venezuela
3. California
4. New York

4 Favorite Foods:
1. Seafood
2. Mushrooms
3. Indian
4. Sushi

4 Places I would rather be right now:
1. Living in Manhattan instead of just outside it
2. London
3. Rome
4. Paris

4 Websites I check daily:
3. My friends' blogs
4. Yahoo Weather

4 People I tag:
1. John
2. Kim(bie)
3. Molly
4. Kathryn

Monday, August 20, 2007

Yeah, yeah, I know

... so I've been negligent about the blog again, and I'm sorry about that. Here... I'll fill you in.

John had his birthday on the 12th, so we celebrated in broke-ass style. Really, we had a great time. We just had to be especially economical about it. We set a budget so he could buy new clothes, then did a little shoping, after which we went to dinner at Rosa Mexicana, one of his favorite restaurants in the city. Of course, we don't just do birthdays... we do birthday weeks. All week long, John has been entitled to certain niceties, such as my doting on him far more than I'm accustomed to (and he's been gracious about it, careful not to rub it in, thankfully... for his sake). As for the clothes purchaces in spite of being broke, there was really no way around that. I've been on a crazy diet, sure, and it's working like a charm, but John's also been doing his share of work to lose a few pounds. A couple of days before his birthday, we did a general clothing and coat inventory, just to see how many of our clothes still fit. To our surprise, almost NONE of John's clothes fit him anymore... he was literally out of jeans, jackets, and dress shirts, and was down to two pairs of pants, both of them casual. We're happy that he's doing this, but man, losing weight's been pretty expensive. My clothes, on the other hand, can wait, as far as I'm concerned. After all, I'm not even half way to my goal, and I still have a few items that will work for now. Granted, they're mostly amorphous dresses or certain items that don't look too bad even though they're loose, but at least I have clothes to wear, which is more than I could say for John.

That leads me to the weight loss thus far. John's gotten down to below 200 pounds for the first time since... jeese, I don't know, maybe seven or eight years. My numbers, though, are something to behold. I haven't been this weight in about a decade, maybe longer. Currently, I'm at an even 170... that's 30 pounds I've lost in 9 weeks! And trust me, I'm not stopping any time soon; I've got 40 more pounds to go before my goal is reached, and I think I can get there by December. By the time my birthday rolls around (that's October 17th, for all you gift-givers), I hope to be in the 150s, a land I haven't been to since... let's see... well over a decade. I think I may have been in the 150s when I got married, so yeah, that was almost ten years ago. To be honset, I don't even remember what that's like, being that size. I'm already a little overwhelmed as it is, being able to fit into clothing I never dreamed of putting on just a couple of months ago. Weird. I went out with a few friends about a week ago for a birthday celebration, and everyone seemes genuinely impressed. Maybe they were just being polite, but they seemed to think the weight loss was showing. Then again, thirty pounds is bound to show, right? Anyway, this is awesome. School starts up in just under three weeks, and I should be down another ten pounds or so by then. Have I mentioned that I love this freaking diet?

Of course, I'm doing this to be healthier, no question. John and I have been running in Central Park almost every day now, something I couldn't do before when I was heavier. I definitely have more energy in general, my knees don't bother me anymore, my back hurts less, and I think my snoring has almost gone away completely (according to John, who is entirely too happy about that). So yeah, goody. But let's face it... there's a lot more to this weight loss business than health. And no, it's not just vanity. Anyone rememeber that whole rock star thing I've been working on? Well, I'm not as believable as a performing artist when I'm fat, apparently. Say what you will about talent being the most important thing, and determination, and keeping hope alive, and going from show to show trying to sell your album, and all of that crap. Trust me... no one really cares about listening to the fat girl sing her little songs, sad as that seems. I can't begin to tell you how often I've heard people give me compliments like, "Wow... if you were a bit thinner, you could really have a career," or, "Ever thought of sticking to just being a recording artist for now?" I've learned to take these as compliments because, well, let's face it... these people are right. Some folks may listen to the fat girl, but they're usually other fat girls who can't give me a record deal, and no one seems to think there's much good in catering to the fat girl demographic anyway. In short, I'm doing this for my career. Plain and simple. Frankly, I don't think there's much better reason than that for me. I mean, I'm doing what I can for my health... I have new doctors now, and they're taking care of me pretty well. I'm also exercising intelligently, eating carefully measured meals, and sleeping better than I have in years. I think I'm on the right track, if you ask me. Meanwhile, check me out in December.

Speaking of rock star stuff, I'm back on the open mic circuit, and I intend on going full steam for the next couple of weeks until school starts. Why not, right? That also means I need to update my artist website, so I'll let everyone know when that's done. For now, I'll send out emails when it's important. The web site should be new and improved in about a week, assuming all goes according to plan... hell, maybe I can get it done sooner. The point, though, is that I think I've picked up momentum from before, since a couple of weeks ago when I didn't feel like I was getting anything done. I've finished the final draft of my thesis... now I'm just waiting for my co-mentors to get back to me on any revisions, if there are any left (my guess is that I'm done, or extremely close to it). I also have a website project that I've got to finish up, as well as some prep work for the new lab I'm teaching this fall (research methods... good times). I think I'm taking it all in stride, though, and that's a good feeling. Whether or not it makes any sense, I'm giving full credit to the diet. I mean, it's the reason for so many other good things going on for me, so why not these as well? Thanks, diet... I owe you one.

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Hunting for motivation

Ideas, anyone? I have things to do, and I can't seem to get myself to get them done. This is a general problem, so it's not just one thing that I'm neglecting, but a whole slew of important things. Ugh. So yeah... someone inspire me to greatness, please. That's all.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

What happened to the summer?

I went to Florida for a few... sorry about the absence. Anyway, back now, with pictures and everything. I can also report that I'm down 20 pounds since starting the MediFast diet about six weeks ago, so that's going well. Now that I'm back, I'm looking over the edge of my summer, and I'm starting to wonder where it all went. Ugh... I'm not ready for it to be over. Sorry, but I don't mind relaxing, and I know what's waiting for me in September, so I'm not exactly enthused about the begining of the fall semester. On the bright side, people will probably have nice things to say about my rather sizable change in appearance, but aside from that, I still don't want to go back just yet. Then again, it's still a full month away... maybe I'll change my mind by then. In the meantime, here are some pics from the Florida excursion.

It's like they're twins or something... really uncanny...

Awww... this, by the way, was the night of Sam and Asha's engagement.

Luckily, these guys missed the subtle implications of this photo.

Tatoos are grody. So is long hair and motorcycles. I'm screwed.

Econfina Creek during our canoing trip.

What? John took the last hamburger patty? I think Bob's getting a little green and muscular... and you wouldn't like him when he's angry.

And here's Chuck, on the phone. He did this a lot.

Ah... some peace and quiet for me to ruin.